This is next story is one of the reasons why I love my wife as much as I do. She is (at times) so sweet, trusting and simple.
Today when we were on our way to work we stopped at the Gas-N-Go to get what my Grandpa Jim calls an “awesome”. Going and getting an awesome, to him, is going to any gas station or 7-11 and buying a fountain drink or a Slurpee. I got the new Mountain Dew White Out, which by the way is effing delicious. Apparently it’s one of their 3 new flavors in which you can get online and vote for. I encourage you in your civic duties and urge you to make your voice heard at democracy.com
Anyways, at some point while we were inside I wanted to tell
Me (not so slyly): So my dream takes place in the 30’s 40’s era, right around World War Two and the Great Depression.
Me (dismissingly): Yeah, whatever.
I proceed to tell her that in the dream I was a golfer and a really good one at that, I was naturally talented and an all-around happy guy and that Brittany and I were in love. But, because of the time that the dream took place in, I ended up getting drafted along with everyone else from the town and went to war. During the war everybody in my company gets killed and come home to a ‘Hero’s Welcome’ but inside I feel guilty that I didn’t die.
Me (with a small bit of sarcasm): Totally.
I tell her that during the end of war and in the midst of the depression that
Me: I know, right?
So I tell her that the dream continues on and that the people of the town suggest that somebody from the town should actually compete in the tournament and that this little boy suggests I play, much to the towns chagrin because since coming back from the war I’ve become an alcoholic and I don’t golf anymore. Then out of nowhere this vagabond arrives and inexplicably starts helping remember the game of golf and how much I love it. I leave out the part about him only wanting to be paid $5 bucks and given a new pair of shoes, but now I realize that I totally could have added that detail and she would not have been any wiser.
For those of you reading at home, you’ve probably figured out what movie it is. I’m describing, in depth, the plot to The Legend of Bagger Vance. Directed by Robert Redford and stars Matt Damon, Will Smith and Charlize Theron. We pull up to the school and finish describing the movie to Brittany and I almost can’t contain myself and blurt out that I’ve just described a movie that, although not critically received well, most everyone – including her – has seen.
Me (holding a straight face): Yeah right, this could never be a movie.
Guess who is the author of the 1995 same titled book that takes place in the south, just like all of his movie/books, on which the movie is based? That would none other than author Steven Pressfield. Gotcha. I had to Google it to see if it was even a book at all and Nick Sparks didn’t write it, but how AMA-ZA-ZING would it have been if he did.
At this point I want to see how much I can get away with, and I am even starting to suspect that Brittany knows that it is movie and that in reality I am the one who is getting punk’d, but Britt isn’t the greatest of actresses and I can tell that she genuinely does not know that I’m basically explaining this movie word for word. Pretending to play along with her suggestion of making this dream into a movie I ask her who should play me.
Me: Nah, his features are too dark. We need someone that looks more All-American. Blonde hair, ya know?
Me: Oh I know… Matt Damon.
Me: Matt Damon for sure and we could even get Charlize Theron to play you because you’ve said that people have told you that you two look alike.
NOTHING!! THAT GETS ME NOTHING! I know that she has seen this movie. She cannot have only seen The Italian Job and Mighty Joe Young. I know that she could not have seen Monster and as far as I’m concerned that was not Charlize Theron in that movie. That movie made me want to get like 11 jobs and never help anyone on the side of the road especially a woman. Instead she is just trying to think of other people that could play Matt Damon’s character. I even go on to suggest that we make the caddy black because the movie takes place in the south during the 40’s and it’d be edgy and what not.
Me: How about Denzel Washington to play the caddy… ooh oh oh! Not him. Will Smith, even better.
Me: He’s too old. The movie should have Matt Damon, Will Smith and Charlize Theron.
We had been in sitting in the parking lot discussing this and now it was time for me to go into work and as I’m getting out of the car Brittany tells me that she will do research about the (our) movie and hits me with her famous one liner,
“I know stuff.”
Of course you do sweetheart. Right now I’m thinking about renting the movie from Blockbuster and watching it with her tonight, but she’ll probably have read this before that can happen but who knows. At this point I feel like I can get away with anything.